A Good Night's Talk

The purpose of this post is soley to reflect upon last night's somewhat awesome event :)


It has been probably about a year and a half since I've talked to this person. Not because anything went down, it was just that we weren't really apart of each other's lives very much and trying to keep in contact was tough. I also made a point of not talking to him anymore because I got too attached and couldn't let him go. Until last night, he was far out of my mind, I never thought of him. And then bang! All the same emotions and thoughts came flooding back. Thanks.

I was almost regretting replying to him on chat, but it had been a very long time so I was curious to what he was up to. Turns out he's still the same, so that's good and not so good. Our conversation is all about him, and he talks about things I don't care about anymore and don't understand. He also tends to overuse emoticons. Especially the winky one. If he uses that after almost everything he says, what does that mean? Are you being serious or just joking around? Or are you serious but want it to seem like it's joking because you don't want to lead me on? Two and a half years ago I really would have loved this answer, but now it's just something that bugs me. I know that he'll only ever be that guy that I had feelings for and he had them for me but he didn't want to do anything serious about it. (Hello, we could have had a pretty great 2 months.. I guess I was lucky to get a peck on the forehead and a baseball/peters "date") So there's still the longing, but I have accepted that it's just feelings and I'm okay with that. At least some of the stuff he felt confident in saying without a winky smile; many times he told me my profile pic was pretty, especially for being sick (I've been getting that from everyone haha).

But after the initial him talking about him, we had a really great conversation! It's funny how I can talk to him about anything. Like relationship stuff. And it's not awkward or weird. That was nice. Normally we would run out of things to say, but we almost ended up having one of those "life" conversations. Just general things about life. It was great! I almost didn't want to stop, but then we did hit a lull once my friends barged into my room ;) He also makes me smile when I talk to him. As much as the emoticons kind of annoy me, it's also his humor, which is awesome.

He still has growing up to do though. He asked me if he was childish back when we would chat and I was like uhh maybe.. I really didn't want to insult him. Then he said that he for sure thought he was childish. In my opinion, the smiley faces and his was of flirting/joking around (who really knew) were a bit immature. So then it still makes him childish.. but I don't care! I know nothing will ever be (hmm.. i guess you never know in 5 years..lol) and I got to have a great conversation!! It was still overall a good night :)

I do, however, would like to eventually know what exactly he felt for me, or how strongly and if he still slightly does now..

Maybe some things aren't meant to be known and I'm okay with that :)