Ever get that feeling that you NEED to go to bed, know it would be in your best interest to go to bed, but you just can't bring yourself to do it? I know there must be a few out there who get that. I have experienced that a few times last semester, and tonight it begins again. I'm going to write tonight's up to being stressed about school. I have a research essay due Wednesday for English that is MAJORLY stressing me, and 2 midterm exams, one tuesday, one wednesday.

I really hate to complain about this though. Because of course I realize that there are people with 5 courses, so 5+ midterms, and also the same or more extra curricular activities going on. But I also think things/life are starting to culminate on me.

I feel like I'm a balloon, being filled up with air. The air flow won't stop, and there's no other way for it to escape. Until, BANG, it explodes and there's nothing left. I feel like this is a fairly sufficient analogy. I bottle everything up inside, mainly feelings-but it seems like that's the only thing to have bottled up. I find I just can't open myself up to anyone. At times I want to, but many times I really just don't. I think this is partly why I like blogging. I can express myself a bit more freely. But then it comes down to more serious things, that I'm not sure I want people to know-how I'm feeling.

I think tonight is the first time I have thought like this and I've decided I want to start journaling. Or get a journal so that when I have these feelings (if they come again) that I can write them down.

We did an exercise in English class, we wrote down our distractions, what was preventing us from writing. Then scrolled down until we couldn't see that list, we put it away, and then you find yourself able to write. I think this is the same concept.

I think today was just a very bad day all around, and because of that, I consumed WAY too many calories while watching some movies. Instead of this, I should have been doing homework or studying. And now I'm exhausted and don't want to sleep. For what ever reason.

All this I'm saying, just because there is something there that needs to be said, but I can't come about it. What I can say though, is that most times nowadays I feel sort of messed up. And I feel like I'm that balloon about to pop.

I also think I need a good cry. I can't remember the last time I cried.