I got a text this morning from a friend asking who I was and what I did with Jessica.. I had to laugh. Even just 2 years ago I would have laughed if someone had told me what I'd done in the past week, I would not have believed them one bit.
But something changed the way I thought about life, or maybe I actually started thinking about it, I started paying attention to life, not just the trivial happenings day in and day out. I started analyzing myself as a whole: who I wanted to become and where I wanted to go. Ever since then I've been on this path that I didn't really know where I was going or how or if I would get there. It looked like it was going to be a long road.
But then out of nowhere I went from being that quiet girl at a party, the one who sticks with a few friends and follows them everywhere, and the one that can't have conversations with strangers, to making out with the hottest 1st year and chatting up a bartender all night long to get free drinks.. Granted, alcohol was a major player in my ability do that, but the fact remains that I wanted to do these things consciously and made it happen.
Speaking of alcohol, after last Saturday's events I had planned to control the drinking. Unfortunately for me, and my roomies, I drank too much too fast and then had the bright idea to chat up the bartender to get free drinks. This honestly was more so an experiment to see if I could do it. Turns out I could. I don't think I ever stopped drinking last night, I don't know how many shots he gave me. Suffice it to say I got a Drunk Bitch Citation from the roomies. <3
So the next step is to do this WITHOUT ALCOHOL!!!! Firstly, I can't seem to know when to stop drinking/I just don't go slow enough to realize I've had enough. Secondly, the majority of life is spent being sober, so why practice something one way that when you need to put it to use you'll have to do it another way.
Another side to not seeing this me coming is that I've been volunteering! The last week or so I've spent ~34 hours volunteering.. It's great because now when I'm on campus I recognize people and I say Hi in passing. It's a good feeling to know that you're known.
Also that I rally want to be involved. I never wanted to be involved. At all. Just leave me with my sports and band and I was happy. Nowadays that's just not enough. I need the whole package. I've always thought of myself as well rounded, the whole package. I definitely was, but I guess now I'm more so the better whole package, with new, more exciting things to go into the package on the way.
I almost want to shake my head at myself, for the way I think about everything now. Always analyzing, always criticizing every move. It just seems like a silly notion, but it's actually becoming really important to me. I was talking to the bartender's friend last night and we were talking about this and he said that there are some books that I should check out. He actually gave me his name (incl. last name!) and his email (he's taken, so no #-not that that's what I was looking for from him, he's 29!). So I might decide to check that out.
But all in all, I have to say I'm pretty happy with life right now. I'm just so exhausted that I guess I really haven't even realized this, but I am really happy with things right now. New school year and fresh starts can do that to you I suppose.
Anyways, I kind of still feel like I'm still trying to overcome a hangover and need to get to bed for bowling tomorrow morning. Finally!
Things to do:
-Find a desk
-Buy a chair for said desk
-Buy closet organizer
-Get organized for school (3 days later..)
-Get campus rec job info/apply to any and all applicable jobs
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