Soccer

Just a random thought:

I think I would have really enjoyed playing University soccer. I never would have made it because of my conditioning. But it would have been a blast. When I was first thinking about varsity sports, I thought it would suck, always being busy with it, can't really have a social life. But at this moment, right now, being on a team like that would be more of a social life then I have now, and I'd have more friends than I do right now. No I'm not trying to say I'm upset with my social life, but rather saying that that point is no longer valid for not wanting to be a varsity athlete.

When I would work Panda hockey games, the girls would be warming up where we were setting up, just having a blast, yelling, screaming & laughing. Immense team spirit. I really miss that camaraderie. I had it in high school; playing div 2/3 does that. And I miss the team workouts. And practice. Really, I miss all of competitive soccer.

I play div 3 women's competitive soccer right now, but it's not nearly the same, there's no accountability, people don't give their best night in, night out. They want to win, but not if it takes too much sacrifice. They don't understand anything about sacrifice. I do. That was my life 4 years ago, it had been for 3 years. Now people look at me play, look at my bruised & scabbed up knees and go "holy moly!". But just a few years ago, that was kind of expected.

So I guess this turned out more to be a rant about missing that really high level of soccer. What's sad is that I'm just not at that level anymore, I've gotten away from it because I went to the lower levels, thinking I couldn't handle the commitment. But I still can't commit to practices and workouts like I used to. Or maybe I've convinced myself I can't - I probably can. But it all just seems impossible while I'm trying to get into a super competitive program and while trying to be a top ranked bowler in Alberta/Canada. 

Just when I thought life was finally settling down for a bit, I find myself unsure of my future with a game I've been playing for more than 15 years.. Which is actually kind of scary.